My First Anniversary

In just a week from today, I will have spent an entire year working at my current job. As you know, it has been an interesting year full of both joy and pain. As a come up my first anniversary as an administrative assistant and a full-time contributor to society, I've decided to reflect on where I have been, what I am doing, and where I am going in light of this past year.

At the end of my college career, I took a nearly three week trip to Ireland and Scotland to sing with the Notre Dame Folk Choir and have one last trip and time with college friends before looking for the next step in my life. I returned from that trip refreshed and ready for life, but also anxious to know where I was going and what might be next for me. I admit that my faith, my Catholic faith that I love, suffered in the years before, and it was difficult to return to the peace and trust I had felt when I was in my high school and earlier college years. I was afraid I wouldn't find anything. I didn't even know what kind of work I was looking for to be honest. Perhaps this is what God wanted me to learn from, that I needed to trust in Him even when I have no clue what it is that's next.

I found the job at WRT within the first week and a half of searching, proving all my fears of the unknown to be entirely unfounded and worthless. But though my fears had subsided, the adjustment period had begun. The first few weeks in June and July were somewhat difficult, as it was my first time spending all day every day in the same place. I think what made me the most unsettled was that though I was fine with doing this for a year or two, I knew that this job is not where I was meant to be forever. And it scared me that once I was in, I might never get myself out. I don't devalue my role in the company. In fact, early on I learned that what I do here is among one of the most important and essential roles one can have in a company. If I don't do the work I do, no one else will be willing to do it, that's for sure. But it is all work that has to be done. I am certain that if anything, this job will make me eternally grateful for all the assistants and receptions I work with in the future. I know that their job is not easy and the rewards are not immediate, but surely they are most essential to the work that gets done anywhere.

Through the next few months I struggled with being at the office as well as figuring out what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go. It was in late September or early October that I first started thinking that the choice of what was next for me might not be my own. WRT started going through some tough decisions, beginning with firing the CEO and followed by two large scale lay-offs which took out about 1/2 of the company. I certainly lost any hope in job security and I realized that I needed to take my future into my own hands--I couldn't just assume that something, whatever it was, would come along.

It did and it didn't. The Catholic Studies program at the University of St. Thomas has been attractive to me for years. My interest was piqued in my junior year of high school when the new theology teacher, Mr. Gerlach, spoke highly of the program. When choosing which college to attend, the possibility of completing a Catholic Studies major weighed into my decision. When applying for jobs and thinking about my next step after college, I thought about applying for the masters program in Catholic Studies then. The one thing I did know, was that were I to go and get a masters degree (whether it was Catholic Studies, English, or something else entirely) I would have to have a definite goal in mind. That goal has continued to take shape throughout this year. So when I happened to check out the website in the beginning of February, I knew that it was not just coincidence that I had just enough time to get an application together to submit by the deadline.

I was accepted and with a few bumps along the way, I decided that this is the path I need to take to continue in my personal, professional, and spiritual development. This also meant that WRT was most likely not that path. Though there are a few things I still need to get into place before making any more life changes before starting work in the fall, I can say a few things about my first year as a "working adult" and my year at WRT.

I learned a lot about myself, what kind of worker I am, what my potential is, and where my talents lie. I need direction in my work. I believe I also need to be committed to a goal in my work that means something to me. Perhaps the main reason I am not excited about my job lies less in the work I do as an administrative assistant, and has more to do with that digital signage simply doesn't interest me. If my work is committed to a goal that I think essentially makes this world a better place, I imagine I would feel much more satisfied even in the mundane. But the fact is that I don't necessarily think that we are helping anyone or anything by contributing to the "more, more, more" attitude of materialism and marketing. Of course, there isn't anything inherently wrong with digital signage, and from the point of view of WRT, I am glad they have provided jobs, albeit less and less, for people to create a livelihood and a life.

The bottom line is that at WRT, I have so far had an irreplaceable and essential experience. It has been, in some ways, necessary for me to make the leap into my next stage in life. So, in a moment of nostalgia looking over the last year, I've really enjoyed being where I am. And though I look forward to the next step, I will surely always look fondly on my time here.

Maddy and Joel's Wedding!

Memorial Day weekend was absolutely spectacular, owing to the fact that I had a fabulous time with amazing friends in Washington, DC for Maddy and Joel's wedding! For anyone who knows Maddy, it was exactly as one might imagine it: classy and elegant with a laid back and comfortable feel, plenty of turquoise blue, and fun for all ages from the smallest babies to the oldest couple there.

I could go on in detail about the church on Capitol Hill, the reception at Rust Manor in Leesburg, the dress, the cake, the dinner, the band (all of which were perfect), but after reflection, the thing that stood out most to me during the weekend was the friendships.

One thing I noticed early on in the weekend is that one may know how much one loves one's friends--what one would do for them. But not generally known to people is exactly how much they are loved by those same friends. I found the weekend of Maddy and Joel's wedding to be a testament to the friendship that I have shared with them and all my friends there over the years.

Without necessarily a moment to cite as defining for any of my friendships, the unfolding of this idea over the weekend was a revelation to me. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by people who love me, and by deep friendships that are rooted in mutual respect, experience, and a search for the Truth. I have found that the best friendships, despite loss of contact or mutual experience over the years, stand the test of time because of a genuine love of life, and an openness to Truth. Though I had not seen several of my friends there for an entire year, some I haven't even spoken to in that time, I was overjoyed to see them and spend time with them. In spending time together, I realized that these friendships reflect so deeply on the nature of humanity and it seemed to me by the end of the day Saturday that I had seen a certain glimpse of heaven in these moments. Perhaps my favorite moment was in saying farewell to Joel, who pulled Christina and I in for a hug and said sincerely, "thank you for loving Maddy so much."

The wedding weekend of Maddy and Joel was much like a retreat to me: a time to reflect on the friendships and relationships in my own life. Through sharing in the joy of Maddy and Joel, I was able to understand the importance of the people in my life, and to be at peace with where all my relationships stand--platonic and romantic--because I trust that the people who I have kept in my life and are closest to me share in the same search for the truth, and understand the same concept of love and friendship as I do. I trust that God is guiding my relationships and that through growing in deeper appreciation for each other, we venture towards the ultimate appreciation of our Creator.

Revisiting, Reinventing

I know it's been about a month since I've written, but it's been difficult to focus on something to say. After reading the message from the pope for the 43rd World Day of Communications in a document titled, "New Technologies, New Relationships: Promoting a Culture of Respect, Dialogue and Friendship," I realized that blogging is something that can be very helpful to building knowledge and relationships if it is done in a respectful way. There is truly "extraordinary potential of the new technologies, if they are used to promote human understanding and solidarity." I was motivated by the pope's remark that, "these technologies are truly a gift to humanity and we must endeavour to ensure that the benefits they offer are put at the service of all human individuals and communities, especially those who are most disadvantaged and vulnerable." I felt like the pope's words were spoken directly to me. This is an important time in the transference of ideas and information, and I have the motivation and the personal interest to have this blog. I have been experiencing a writers block recently; partiality a psychological block from being called an unthinking bigot a time too many, and partly because I felt like I had nothing worthwhile to write about. Now I know that the sharing of information and respectful exchange are important means of building friendships and delving ever deeper into the mystery of the human intellect and spirit.

I am newly resolved to join "all people of good will who are active in the emerging environment of digital communication to commit themselves to promoting a culture of respect, dialogue and friendship."

You can read the whole message from Benedict XVI here. If you just want the general drift, take a look at the last paragraph:

"I would like to conclude this message by addressing myself, in particular, to young Catholic believers: to encourage them to bring the witness of their faith to the digital world. Dear Brothers and Sisters, I ask you to introduce into the culture of this new environment of communications and information technology the values on which you have built your lives. In the early life of the Church, the great Apostles and their disciples brought the Good News of Jesus to the Greek and Roman world. Just as, at that time, a fruitful evangelization required that careful attention be given to understanding the culture and customs of those pagan peoples so that the truth of the gospel would touch their hearts and minds, so also today, the proclamation of Christ in the world of new technologies requires a profound knowledge of this world if the technologies are to serve our mission adequately. It falls, in particular, to young people, who have an almost spontaneous affinity for the new means of communication, to take on the responsibility for the evangelization of this "digital continent". Be sure to announce the Gospel to your contemporaries with enthusiasm. You know their fears and their hopes, their aspirations and their disappointments: the greatest gift you can give to them is to share with them the "Good News" of a God who became man, who suffered, died and rose again to save all people. Human hearts are yearning for a world where love endures, where gifts are shared, where unity is built, where freedom finds meaning in truth, and where identity is found in respectful communion. Our faith can respond to these expectations: may you become its heralds! The Pope accompanies you with his prayers and his blessing."

Giving the poo-poo to shampoo

Recently I read this article about women who have ditched shampooing, and never want to go back. It's a secret that has been passed on selectively in this country in our recent past that shampoo is not necessarily required to keep your scalp flake-free and your locks shiny and voluminous. In fact, the women in this article attest to the fact that their hair has never been healthier than when they stopped shampooing. The writer of the article notes that one of the most popular forms of going "no poo" is to add one teaspoon of baking soda (that wonder substance that seems to be able to do all) to a cup of water, mix it well, and pour over your scalp and let sit for one minute before rinsing out. Seems almost more like a recipe than a cleansing ritual, but from the pictures, it seems to get the job done.

I suppose it is in some ways acceptable and sanitary since shampoo was never used for thousands of years, but it still seems odd to me. I like it as an idea to save a little cash, but I love the smell of my hair after I get out of the shower where I just slathered on a good helping of my favorite Aveda formula. After reading this article and seeing the photos of the women who haven't shampooed their hair in upwards of 7 months, I am curious to see how my hair would take it and, more importantly, look like if I got rid of shampooing all together. Part of me really wants to try it out, but another, probably stronger, part of me thinks it's best not to toy around with this sort of thing. The article does give fair warning of the 4- to 6-week period that results are minimal since your scalp will be trying to re-learn the levels of oil it should be producing...and I am thinking that might be just too long for me to take.

So, I suppose I'll stick with the shampoo. But I don't regret knowing that if there were ever a day when I couldn't afford to fork up the $9 a bottle I pay for my products (hair products and make-up are the two things I do not skimp out on) I could resort to my $0.59 a box solution.

Americanism v. Catholicism

I have to admit, the more I talk about, and even think about, Obama speaking at Notre Dame, the more sick of it I get. It reminds me of the election season and the constant going back and forth with people both getting the point of view out there and then defending it. But somehow, I can't stay away because of my unquenchable desire to discover and speak the truth. The Catholic Church and her teachings and tradition are increasingly under attack (just pick up a newspaper from anytime January 2009 until now and you'll see what I mean), and I'm young and stupid enough to try to defend Her.

I've come across the question of "Americanism" in opposition to Catholicism. Are these sentiments mutually exclusive? My initial reaction is no, certainly not. The American ideal of opportunity and freedom are right in line with what it means to be a Catholic, and I am sure that it is the reason by Catholic immigrants came to this country in droves during the late 19th and early 20th century. From that point, Catholic Americans have struggled to be considered part of the mainstream of culture.

This is what the problem is: we are getting to the point that because of what our American culture holds dear we are asked to change our values, or at the very least stay silent on them. It has become incompatable to be an assimilated member of the American population and hold such counter-cultural ideals as the Catholic faith demands. Not least among these, is the fight against abortion and being pro-life. I certainly don't believe that being pro-life is contrary to being American, but it cannot be denied that it is counter-cultural to be pro-life in every situation and for every reason. In this way, I believe that my Catholic faith trumps my "Americanness" because the faith transcends what is stamped on my passport and what one country believes is the best way of governing. I do not think that one cannot be American and Catholic at the same time, even a proud and patriotic American. This is the great strength of America, that democracy, freedom, and especially religious freedom exist. I pray that they are ALWAYS defended, and that the compromises that are being tolerated against Catholics especially are no longer.

Good News for Sarah

Happiness came in the form of a sunny day to me. Spring in Minnesota certainly has its ups and downs weather-wise, but it seemed to me that today's beautiful, sunny day brings with it a new outlook on the opportunities before me.

I have been informed this week by the University of St. Thomas (located here in the Twin Cities) that I have been accepted to the Master of Arts in Catholic Studies program. They have also offered me a partial scholarship to help with my tuition costs.

At first, the scholarship information was a blow to me. I was really hoping to get one of the very competitive Fellowship spots in the MA program. I was told that I was the runner-up for the scholarship, and until the deadline for acceptance, one of the individuals who was offered the Fellowship had not responded. The individual responded on the last day. It was also sad to hear that until this year they gave three Fellowships, but because of a need to cut costs at the school, they would only award two for this year. I was the third.

Once I let it sink in that the opportunity was no longer available to me, I started to think about the alternatives and I think I have a few options which are encouraging to me. I also believe that when I apply to FAFSA I have a good chance of getting some good loans since I no longer claim myself as a dependent legally.

Bottom line: I'm going back to school and I am excited about it, regardless of the cost to me! I can make it happen if its what I really want. Knowing my reaction to all this information, I am truly invested in this and I am willing to make some changes in my concept of what going for my masters means if that's what it takes. I am just excited to be getting myself in a direction that will be time well spent and moving towards a life of fulfilling work.

Get Up, Stand Up

There is nothing worse you can do for the world than stand complacent while people speak lies and misconceptions around you. You must allow your voice to be heard in your words and in your actions.

This has been more apparent to me than ever this year. Since graduating college, I have been thrust into the working world of being an adult. Here, everyone comes from a different background. We are different ages, different religions, we make different lifestyle choices. But these are the people that I spend 40 hours a week with; more time than I spend with my family or loved ones (well, I suppose on some weekends my family or Scott could rival that, but it would only be breaking even). Let me back track a little...

During the previous eight years I was generally in places where I was nurtured in my faith and surrounded by people who were able to build me up to be a woman of God. This is not to say that I have been angelic in that time or that I never made a wrong choice, but for the most part, I have been in places and with people who took Catholicism and the teachings of the Church seriously. This was a wonderful place for me to be, and I truly miss my days as a student, whether it was at Holy Family Catholic High School or Saint Mary's College.

I recall a time as a freshman in high school that many of the people I was in class with really did agree with my moral and political leanings. The support for Bush in the 2000 election far out-weighed the Gore backers in my high school hallways. There is something special about realizing that you can trust someone to deeply understand your point of view and will agree on it.

But this time is over, and I am now endlessly faced with people who feel differently about so many different things. So how do we deal with it? We MUST be strong. And we must not be afraid of speaking up when someone is promoting something contrary to the truth.

I found this excerpt from St. Josemaria Escriva's book Furrow and it resonated with me last night:

"Be on guard against the propagators of scandal and innuendo, which some take in through lack of reflection while others do so through bad faith. They destroy a calm atmosphere and poison public opinion. Sometimes, true charity demands that such abuses and their promoters should be denounced. Otherwise, with their devious or badly-formed consciences, they or those who listen to them could think: 'They keep quiet, so they must agree.'"

Who knew that a Spanish priest who died some 60 years ago would say something so relevant to the dichotomy of our own secular culture against the culture of faith. Don't allow them to think that you agree. Be ready to stand up for your beliefs and know that though they may reject you, your greatest reward will be in Heaven.

Self-Knowledge

This is an excerpt from Matthew Kelly's "Rediscovering Catholicism." I thought it was a fitting reflection during the season of lent, a time when returning to the sacrament of confession is very prevalent and needed for us all. He writes:

In the spiritual life, it is very important not only to grow in our knowledge and understanding of God, but also in our knowledge and understanding of ourselves. Both knowledge of God and knowledge of self are necessary to make the Journey of the Soul. The two are inextricably linked. And one without the other is useless.

Confessing our sins in the sacrament of Reconciliation helps us develop this self-knowledge. The saints had this self knowledge. They developed it from hours of self-examination and a consistent practice of Reconciliation. They knew their strengths and weaknesses, their faults, failings, flaws, and defects, their talents and abilities, their needs and desires, their hopes and their dreams, their potential and their purpose.

They were not afraid to look at themselves as they really were by the light of God's grace in prayer. They knew that the things of this world are passing, and that when this brief life is over, we will each stand naked in the presence of God. At that moment, money, power, status, possessions, and worldly fame will mean nothing. The only things that has value in that moment is character--the light within you. Who we become is infinitely more important than what we do or what we have. Or as Francis once said, "Remember, you are what you are in the eyes of God, and nothing else."

Get to know yourself. The gifts of self-knowledge include freedom from the world's image of you and compassion for others. The more I get to know myself and my own brokenness, the more I am able to accept and love others. Furthermore, the more I get to know myself, the more I am able to understand others and be tolerant of their faults, failings, flaws addictions, and brokenness. Self-knowledge breeds the ultimate form of compassion.

Get to know yourself and every relationship in your life will improve.

Through Sadness

It's been a tough past few days. I went to Scott's grandfather's funeral up in Duluth, surrounded by the friends and family of a man I met twice. However, I have experienced the love and open arms of a family that I didn't expect to recieve, and I believe that in some small way I gave at least one person a shoulder to lean on. I am really glad that I was able to make it up there with Scott and there was a lot I learned through being there. There were points when I really didn't know what I was supposed to be doing, but I think I didn't make too much of a scene (I'm glad that Scott's Deeney grandparents were there to take me under their wing during the funeral mass... I know I could have sat with the family next to Scott, but I felt really comfortable sitting right in between grandma and grandpa Deeney). It was tough to see Scott so sad, but I am glad to know that he also is comfortable to open up to me and wanted me there in his time of grieving--I'm sure someday I'll ask the same of him.

So, even though it was a sad occassion to have to go to Duluth, I enjoyed my time spent with all of Scott's family and with Scott himself. I am surrounded by such wonderful, loving people in my life!

Please continue to keep Scott, his grandfather, and the whole family in your prayers!

Love Will Keep Us Alive

Recently I read a reflection presenting the ideas that I write today. I just wanted to put them into my own words.

Love is the perfect way to heal our hearts. How interesting that when a small child scrapes his knee, his reaction to make it better is to run to his mother and ask her to kiss it and make it better. To the child, what makes his boo-boo alright is the love of the mother, not the material remedy of a bandage. This is the example for our hearts, that in our pain and suffering what we need most is love, particularly the parental love of God the Father. We are wounded by the sins of ourselves and others, and our heavenly Father is the only one who can take them away. There is nothing in this world that can replace that love. We are able to experience that love of God in our relationships and prayer. It is only with love that we can heal our wounds.

That said, I apologize for missing a couple of days here. I have been having trouble finding inspiration this week.

Also, please pray for Scott's grandpa Fitzsimmons who passed away last night. May God in His infinite love give him peace and everlasting life. Amen.

Selling Your Heart on National TV

I missed the entire season, and now I'm glad I did. I have never watched the ABC series "The Bachelor" in the past, perhaps just as a filler for a few minutes here and there while I was waiting for other programming. It may have been an odd choice to watch the last episode without everything that led up to it, but in reality tv, is that ever really necessary?

Last night when I went over to Stephanie's for our usual girls-tv-night Mondays, there was nothing new on our usual choice of the CW, so we decided to strap in for the 2-hour season finale of "The Bachelor". It was probably the biggest waste of time I've had in a long time, but it did provide some food for thought.

First of all, this guy is a pansy. I mean, seriously, he cried like every five minutes throughout the episode. At first, it was a little bit endearing. But then it got to a point that I'm sure many women called out, just as my friend Maria did, for Jason to "grow a pair."

Also, his little flip-flop thing was definitely not cool. We're talking within 6 weeks of the filming of the finale Jason fell "out-of-love" with Melissa, the woman he proposed to. (She was the right choice by the way. Adorable and she adored him and actually wanted a family life.) The whole dumping her on national tv and then asking out the other woman right there is a douche-bag move in my book. But the whole situation of this is what really got me thinking.

What is it that our culture values in relationships anymore? The entire dating process is entirely warped in such circumstances, and it is really almost unbelievable that these young, talented, beautiful young men and women are willing to put themselves at the mercy of the producers and casting agents for a show to find out if they can "fall in love" with this individual.

Some of what the women were saying last night was deeply troubling too. I mean, you're 24, 25 years old, how do you NOT know that love is more than infatuation? Physical attraction and the whole butterflies in the stomach thing are definitely components of being in love with someone, especially in the beginning stages, but do you truly believe that within the span of filming (with all of it's red tape and arranged meetings in front of a camera and so forth) is a sufficient amount of time to determine whether you would like to spend the rest of your life with this person?

It just seems really sad that this is the state of our dating culture today. That we are willing to basically put our lives, particularly our hearts, up for sale in front of the whole world and hope to win in the end. There is something so selfish in the whole idea of it that it seems rather contrary to falling in love.

I realize that there have been a few couples (three in fact, as I read this morning) that are still together after the end of this show. But the reality of it is that this is not exactly a formula for happiness. Melissa, I'm glad your parents realized that before you did (apparently, they chose not to meet Melissa's potential suitor during the course of the show, though they did cave in and talk to him on the phone in the last episode). Maybe in the future you could actually take advice from the people who love you and value yourself enough to give real love a chance.

And thank God you didn't even think about going on the disgusting and seriously wrong "A Double Shot at Love". I can't even begin to talk about everything wrong going on there.

Say Yes to No

Perhaps it's counter-intuitive, but there are a lot of reasons to deny ourselves pleasures once in a while. I'm not talking about giving up a vice, but rather giving up something that in itself is good or at least neutral. I remember sitting in my high school's Ash Wednesday mass, and the girl next to me (a notorious bad-girl within our halls) leaned over and whispered, "I'm going to give up sex for lent. Is that bad?" Albeit misinformed, I believed her intentions were in the right place. I told her I thought it was a good idea and focused back on the mass. But I think that she was missing the point, as so many of us do during this time.

Giving up something that is bad for you should be obvious; it's just healthy. If you are having sex with someone you're not in a committed relationship with, you should stop. If you've got the mouth of a sailor, you should probably stop dropping so many f-bombs. Whatever your vice is, you should, at any time, feel free to reform yourself.

What I am talking about though, is giving up something that you like and it isn't wrong for you to like it. I believe that you can make yourself mentally and morally stronger by denying something of yourself that isn't actually bad for you. Yes, you could eat that chocolate, but a little bit of self denial goes a long way. This isn't a diet, but it's an understanding that any sort of dependence on material things enslaves us to our passions and desires.

I am a naturally passionate person (trust me, I think my boyfriend lost count of the amount of times I've come crying to him a long time ago), but I've come to see that I must be aware of how these passions affect my life, and be weary that they don't direct it. Saying no to myself is an exercise in the freedom I have over my own life.

Denying yourself something you like gives a healthy sense of control, and when paired with faith, could be a great weapon for you in the moments of temptations. It only makes sense that if you say yes to every desire you have, (you know all the small ones, eating some candy, grabbing another soda, watching that movie with a racy scene, buying another shirt, spending your money a little too indiscriminately) you say yes to the vices also. Is it any wonder that so many people choose to have sex in high school and college, especially in the hook-up atmosphere? They've never said no before.

Saying no to yourself in those moments when it doesn't really matter are only prepping you for the times when it does. When it matters a lot.

Should men be able to have sex like a woman?

I recently read an article by sex therapist Dr. Ian Kerner on www.msnbc.com which pointed to one of the pervading questions in our modern American culture: should women be able to have sex like a man? This question was put into perspective by Sex in the City character Carrie Bradshaw who states, "In an age where women enjoy the same money and successes as men, why shouldn’t women be able to enjoy sex like a man?” In times like these when women can have a professional life and not have to worry about that icky pregnancy thing because of advances in birth control, it is high time that women can have the unattached, purely pleasure-driven sex that men have.

Dr. Kerner's main premise is that women naturally have a greater incidence of emotional attachment during and after sex, which makes it difficult to be looking for the one night stand (which is apparantly how men have sex). He writes:

"In biological terms, the female orgasm releases a burst of oxytocin, also known as the cuddle hormone. It’s what makes you feel warm and fuzzy and what facilitates a sense of attachment. But if there’s nothing to attach to, if there’s no deeper emotional content or meaningfulness, orgasm becomes a regretful reminder of the hollowness of the sex that preceded it. This is called 'post-orgasm regret,' and it typically manifests itself in the form of sadness or anger, sometimes to the extreme."

Noting that there are actual biological reasons (not just conditioned to be emotional and weak as society supposedly pressures women to be), one might think that Dr. Kerner might encourage women to listen to their bodies and respond in a positive way. But his advice presents something entirely different. He states that women should definitely be able to have sex like a man, as long as they take into account a few things and "compartmentalize." I'm pretty sure that Dr. Kerner just asked women not to be women.

To go back to the beginning, there are some inherent flaws with the view of what it is to be a woman or a feminist. The first question points towards an attitude that to be equals, women must be more like men. It is almost as if secular feminists want to perpetuate the stereotype that feminity is weak and masculinity is strong, therefore women should reject their feminity to have "equality" with a man. How is this feminism?

I challenge this reject of the woman and her body with this question: should men be able to have sex like a woman? It seems that because men have a greater capacity for compartmentalizing their lives, it is easier for him to have the one night stand and be more sexually promiscuous. Perhaps rather than teaching women how they can deny their own biology and learn to seperate emotion from sex, Dr. Kerner should be giving tips on how men can re-instill meaning and emotion into sex. The disconnect is not a short-coming of the women, but of the men.

Women, do not reject yourself--your body, mind and spirit. Our culture is one that pressures women to reject how they are made, whether it means a self-image issue or using birth control to get rid of the possibility of pregnancy. We have a womb for a reason and it an amazing gift that a man can never have! Why deny that we do? Do yourself a favor, and do not crush the feminine spirit that you possess. Listen to your body, and be good to it. It may mean more than we can know.

Chris Brown and Mob Psychology

As I drove into work this morning, I listened to the local pop radio station morning show. I'm not proud that I spend even the 13 minute drive to work wasting my time on this dribble, but they were discussing something I view as part of the big picture in our culture. By now, I would guess that most people have at least heard about the incident regarding singer Chris Brown and his singer-girlfriend Rihanna. Chris Brown has been charged with allegations of domestic abuse against a nameless female. Rihanna's officially pubically silent about the incident. Many are speculating at this point that Chris Brown physically assaulted Rihanna, making it impossible for the couple to attend and make their performance at the Grammy's, leading to a world-class scandal.

The thing that struck me this morning, was that this is being treated like a debatable issue. It seems to me there should be one response alone to this. First of all, since Chris Brown is a public figure and many of the details are hidden. Neither Chris Brown nor Rihanna have disclosed any sort of information regarding the type of domestic abuse, the events that transpired, and even whether Rihanna was the subject of abuse. So until there is concrete evidence, there's no reason to condemn the man. However, Brown has been quoted as saying, "Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired." Also that, "Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong," which I do not doubt; whether that pardons or condemns him, I do not know. The only response to have about this is that if he abused another human, whether it was Rihanna or another woman, we should be outraged, just as we should be for anyone else who would choose to hurt another human being in this twisted and abusive manner.

Still, there is something more deeply troubling to me about this issue. Our culture is so afraid talking about or debating something truly debatable. I mean, this Chris Brown debate the radio station was having this morning, talking about if he was getting "star treatment" or not in regards to being convicted of a crime and so forth, is not really talking about anything. The people getting heated about it are either overly sensitive V-Day-warrior types who want to call rape at the idea of a man looking at them, or the tween girls having dreams about marrying Chris Brown and therefore believing he could do no wrong.

Why can we not as a society speak about issues that are really important to us and the future of our families and our world? I sense that there is a pervading atmosphere of fear, as if American Culture is a powder keg waiting to bust. Let's not step on each other's toes, now. That would be confrontational. It always surprises me how many people I meet who are willing to admit they will do just about anything in a situation to avoid confrontation. However, I believe there is a world of difference in allowing others to knock your point of view in the name of "non-confrontation" and being a martyr for what you believe. A person of character should be prepared to do the latter.

I agree that entertainment is fun, just as much as the next person. I like following stars' career to a point, music, movies, media. I have had plenty of my own dreams of someday making a career in the music industry someday as a pop singer or whatever. But truly, is this what we have resorted to? Pretending like celebrities lives are worth debating and taking our precious moments outside of work and family to ponder it?

We, as a culture, need a complete reality check if this is at the top of our debatable topics list. Can we please just have a discussion about something that matters? Intelligently? No cowards or lack of evidence allowed.

Thank you.