Through Sadness

It's been a tough past few days. I went to Scott's grandfather's funeral up in Duluth, surrounded by the friends and family of a man I met twice. However, I have experienced the love and open arms of a family that I didn't expect to recieve, and I believe that in some small way I gave at least one person a shoulder to lean on. I am really glad that I was able to make it up there with Scott and there was a lot I learned through being there. There were points when I really didn't know what I was supposed to be doing, but I think I didn't make too much of a scene (I'm glad that Scott's Deeney grandparents were there to take me under their wing during the funeral mass... I know I could have sat with the family next to Scott, but I felt really comfortable sitting right in between grandma and grandpa Deeney). It was tough to see Scott so sad, but I am glad to know that he also is comfortable to open up to me and wanted me there in his time of grieving--I'm sure someday I'll ask the same of him.

So, even though it was a sad occassion to have to go to Duluth, I enjoyed my time spent with all of Scott's family and with Scott himself. I am surrounded by such wonderful, loving people in my life!

Please continue to keep Scott, his grandfather, and the whole family in your prayers!

Review: "What Went Wrong with Vatican II: The Catholic Crisis Explained"

In this sophisticated yet accessible take on the situation surrounding Vatican II (on which many Catholic's blame the crisis of the Church), Ralph M. McInerny defends the Church and Her council without compromising what abuses have followed it. As a professor of philosophy at Notre Dame, the author has spent much of his life in the trenches, so to speak, of the Catholic world and what the reactions and teachings following the council entailed. "What Went Wrong with Vatican II: The Catholic Crisis Explained" offers a picture of the Church from the perspective of someone who has both lived and studied the Church before, during, and after the first modern council, which rocked the Church violently.

McInerny is fast to point out that Vatican II, nor its documents, are the problem with Vatican II. In fact, it is on authority of the Pope and the bishops together with him that make every part of the council as valid and essential to Catholicism than any other council before. Rather, it was the sociopolitical climate that led to such seemingly disastrous effects in the Church following and even during the council.

Here are some interesting points that I found in this gem of a book:

• In the US, many theologians PRIOR to the council were beginning to advocate the use of birth control for married Catholic couples. In anticipation of what they presumed would be something that was looked at by the council and previous teaching would be reversed in light of modern scientific advances, these theologians told Catholics they could use birth control and it would just be a matter of time before the Vatican followed suit. When before the council ended Pope Paul VI wrote the encyclical Humane Vitae, which clearly and definitively bars Catholic couples from using artificial birth control for family planning, many theologians began to openly dissent the teaching of the Magisterium.

• Rather than weakening it, as I have heard in my local parish (*Pax Christi*, ahem), the second Vatican council actually strengthened and reinstated the place of the Pope, bishops, and Magisterium within the hierarchy of the Catholic Church.

• Vatican II is mainly the backdrop of what was going on outside of it, but it was with the "anti-spirit of the council," as then-Cardinal Ratzinger dubbed it, that the rogue Catholic theologians infected the teaching body of the Church in the US and throughout Europe as well

• The greatest way to get the Church back on track, as she is currently heading, is through prayer and fasting (just as Our Lady has given us messages through Fatima, etc, time and time again)

The book was written in 1998, so one might imagine there could be a lot added to this saga ten years later. Still, the thoughtful consideration of the texts of the council and the news and proclamations of both followers and dissenters leads to an exceptional discussion of the Church and her teachings as followed by the faithful.

"What Went Wrong with Vatican II" is a great read for anyone who would like to consider the implications and future of a post-conciliar Church. A small warning: this book does discuss some nuances of Catholic teaching that may not be as apparent to a reader less familiar with Catholic doctrine. McInerny does, however, write fluidly at a level accessible to many, which should ease any tension one might have with the actual content of the book.

Rating: Recommended

Love Will Keep Us Alive

Recently I read a reflection presenting the ideas that I write today. I just wanted to put them into my own words.

Love is the perfect way to heal our hearts. How interesting that when a small child scrapes his knee, his reaction to make it better is to run to his mother and ask her to kiss it and make it better. To the child, what makes his boo-boo alright is the love of the mother, not the material remedy of a bandage. This is the example for our hearts, that in our pain and suffering what we need most is love, particularly the parental love of God the Father. We are wounded by the sins of ourselves and others, and our heavenly Father is the only one who can take them away. There is nothing in this world that can replace that love. We are able to experience that love of God in our relationships and prayer. It is only with love that we can heal our wounds.

That said, I apologize for missing a couple of days here. I have been having trouble finding inspiration this week.

Also, please pray for Scott's grandpa Fitzsimmons who passed away last night. May God in His infinite love give him peace and everlasting life. Amen.

Selling Your Heart on National TV

I missed the entire season, and now I'm glad I did. I have never watched the ABC series "The Bachelor" in the past, perhaps just as a filler for a few minutes here and there while I was waiting for other programming. It may have been an odd choice to watch the last episode without everything that led up to it, but in reality tv, is that ever really necessary?

Last night when I went over to Stephanie's for our usual girls-tv-night Mondays, there was nothing new on our usual choice of the CW, so we decided to strap in for the 2-hour season finale of "The Bachelor". It was probably the biggest waste of time I've had in a long time, but it did provide some food for thought.

First of all, this guy is a pansy. I mean, seriously, he cried like every five minutes throughout the episode. At first, it was a little bit endearing. But then it got to a point that I'm sure many women called out, just as my friend Maria did, for Jason to "grow a pair."

Also, his little flip-flop thing was definitely not cool. We're talking within 6 weeks of the filming of the finale Jason fell "out-of-love" with Melissa, the woman he proposed to. (She was the right choice by the way. Adorable and she adored him and actually wanted a family life.) The whole dumping her on national tv and then asking out the other woman right there is a douche-bag move in my book. But the whole situation of this is what really got me thinking.

What is it that our culture values in relationships anymore? The entire dating process is entirely warped in such circumstances, and it is really almost unbelievable that these young, talented, beautiful young men and women are willing to put themselves at the mercy of the producers and casting agents for a show to find out if they can "fall in love" with this individual.

Some of what the women were saying last night was deeply troubling too. I mean, you're 24, 25 years old, how do you NOT know that love is more than infatuation? Physical attraction and the whole butterflies in the stomach thing are definitely components of being in love with someone, especially in the beginning stages, but do you truly believe that within the span of filming (with all of it's red tape and arranged meetings in front of a camera and so forth) is a sufficient amount of time to determine whether you would like to spend the rest of your life with this person?

It just seems really sad that this is the state of our dating culture today. That we are willing to basically put our lives, particularly our hearts, up for sale in front of the whole world and hope to win in the end. There is something so selfish in the whole idea of it that it seems rather contrary to falling in love.

I realize that there have been a few couples (three in fact, as I read this morning) that are still together after the end of this show. But the reality of it is that this is not exactly a formula for happiness. Melissa, I'm glad your parents realized that before you did (apparently, they chose not to meet Melissa's potential suitor during the course of the show, though they did cave in and talk to him on the phone in the last episode). Maybe in the future you could actually take advice from the people who love you and value yourself enough to give real love a chance.

And thank God you didn't even think about going on the disgusting and seriously wrong "A Double Shot at Love". I can't even begin to talk about everything wrong going on there.

Right Place, Right Time

There are times when one knows one is just in the right place at the right time. I had one of those experiences over the weekend, and I would like to share it.

Saturday night I got to spend time with a lot of people I was looking forward to seeing for some time. I went to the Saint Paul Seminary with Scott to meet up with some of my old high school friends. We had a great time talking and catching up on each others' lives. Once we left there we were able to visit Ellie at her house at St. Thomas, since it was practically right across the street from the seminary. After a 45 minute visit with her, I was about to drop off Scott at his car when I noticed that I had no gas in my own. Since it was so late, Scott agreed to come to the gas station up the road with me.

I pulled up to the pump and began to get the gas going. Moments after I started, a car came pulling up wildly to the pump next to mine. I leaned over to Scott and noted how bizarre the man in the car looked and was acting, but sort of stopped taking note of it. I finished up at the pump, and as I opened the car door I noticed the woman in the crazy car did as well as she yelled out, "hey, lady, are you going to University Ave?" I, shocked that she was addressing me, replied, "No, sorry, I'm not going in that direction..." She tried again: "Can I get a ride? This guy is crazy!" When I responded negatively one more time, I got back into the car. Scott asked what happened and I related the conversation. He then told me that he thought we should give her a ride because she could be in trouble. I looked into the gas station; the crazy driver was at the counter paying. I quickly opened my door and said "hey, come on, you can get a ride!" and in a flash she was in the car and we were out of the gas station. Though the driver ran out to his car, he was never able to catch up with us.

In the drive to drop her off at her boyfriend's house, she told us about who the man was and a little bit about her life. The reason why she asked me for the ride is because she saw another woman (she looked all around the gas station specifically for a female), because a woman she can trust. She had been out at a friend's birthday party and needed a ride home. Her mom's ex-boyfriend (a meth head from what we gathered) picked her up, and once he got her in the car, he started to touch her, which is why she wanted out so bad. She is turning 22 next week and has a 5-year-old daughter. Her boyfriend is an alcoholic and beats her up, but he is trying to amend his life and go to AA meetings. She's a hairdresser, but is having a difficult time finding steady work. All of this came out in our 20 minute conversation to her house, except her name.

When we dropped her off, she asked us to come to the door with her. This was probably the scariest part of the whole situation, as it was in a very impoverished neighborhood in North Saint Paul and she already told us what her boyfriend could be like. We waited at the door, had a quick word with the boyfriend to tell him it was cool, got a hug from her, a handshake from him, and we were on our way.

The thing that struck me the most in this situation is the extreme blessings I have been given in my own life. My house looked like a mansion when I got home. My boyfriend looked like the perfect man. My family looked like the perfect family.

Through this event that there are so many people suffering quietly around me, and most of the time I am willing to turn a blind eye to them before I even know what is going on. It was an eye opening experience to see a woman, just about my age, with a like so completely different than mine in so many ways. My heart is warmed when I think that Scott pushed me a little bit, though it was outside of my comfort zone, to help this woman. I can't imagine a better example of being in the right place at the right time.

It's the WEEKEND!

This week has come to a close with open arms. Here are the top 5 things I am looking forward to/want to get done this weekend (in no particular order):

1. Clean my room and do some laundry.

My room has been a mess for far too long and I recognize this. Also, I do not want to get into the fiasco of a couple of weeks ago where I had to do about three loads of laundry and had absolutely no clean underwear left.

2. Read.

I read every night before I go to bed, but usually I only get through a chapter if that before zonking out with the book on top of me. I really want to take a good chunk of time this weekend to just read (and maybe even finish!) the book I started a few weeks ago now, Until We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis. Maybe it will even give me something to write about!

3. Eat some meat.

It's the first Friday in Lent, so of course I am craving a hamburger right now.

4. Not think about my application.

I spoke to the woman on the phone today and they have received all my application materials and now I just have to wait it out. I should know in about two weeks if I have made it in to the program and I'm really hoping that a decision about the Fellowship will come with it. But its out of my hands now, so I have to stop getting all nervous about it, say a few quick prayers, and get it out of my head.

5. Spend time with people I love.

This includes my family (mom, dad, JP, Ellie, Lauren), Scott, the Collyers if they can come back, Stephanie, possibly some high school friends, and whoever else I end up encountering this weekend!

Say Yes to No

Perhaps it's counter-intuitive, but there are a lot of reasons to deny ourselves pleasures once in a while. I'm not talking about giving up a vice, but rather giving up something that in itself is good or at least neutral. I remember sitting in my high school's Ash Wednesday mass, and the girl next to me (a notorious bad-girl within our halls) leaned over and whispered, "I'm going to give up sex for lent. Is that bad?" Albeit misinformed, I believed her intentions were in the right place. I told her I thought it was a good idea and focused back on the mass. But I think that she was missing the point, as so many of us do during this time.

Giving up something that is bad for you should be obvious; it's just healthy. If you are having sex with someone you're not in a committed relationship with, you should stop. If you've got the mouth of a sailor, you should probably stop dropping so many f-bombs. Whatever your vice is, you should, at any time, feel free to reform yourself.

What I am talking about though, is giving up something that you like and it isn't wrong for you to like it. I believe that you can make yourself mentally and morally stronger by denying something of yourself that isn't actually bad for you. Yes, you could eat that chocolate, but a little bit of self denial goes a long way. This isn't a diet, but it's an understanding that any sort of dependence on material things enslaves us to our passions and desires.

I am a naturally passionate person (trust me, I think my boyfriend lost count of the amount of times I've come crying to him a long time ago), but I've come to see that I must be aware of how these passions affect my life, and be weary that they don't direct it. Saying no to myself is an exercise in the freedom I have over my own life.

Denying yourself something you like gives a healthy sense of control, and when paired with faith, could be a great weapon for you in the moments of temptations. It only makes sense that if you say yes to every desire you have, (you know all the small ones, eating some candy, grabbing another soda, watching that movie with a racy scene, buying another shirt, spending your money a little too indiscriminately) you say yes to the vices also. Is it any wonder that so many people choose to have sex in high school and college, especially in the hook-up atmosphere? They've never said no before.

Saying no to yourself in those moments when it doesn't really matter are only prepping you for the times when it does. When it matters a lot.